Depression...Death?

September 6, 1683

Sigh. I am a failure. My persistence in trying to end Dutch power over the Far Eastern and European trade has cost me my whole life’s work. At first, I had tried to weaken the Dutch with a menacing tariff war; however, the Dutch remained unmoved. As a result, I foolishly encouraged Louis XIV’s invasion of Holland in 1672, hoping that the Dutch would be defeated within a few weeks’ time. I was wrong. The war lasted until 1679, and I saw, with an aching heart, the French economy struggle as my past accomplishments were undermined. Instead of relieving France from the heavy taxes and debt as I had originally planned to do, I added onto the state’s ever-increasing burdens.

My rival, Louvois, continues to contribute to my shame and defeat. King Louis XIV has turned his back on me for Louvois. I feel as if my life is coming to an end. Fevers have haunted me since 1680. I was relieved of my pains as a result of an English physician’s prescription of quinine, only to be doomed again by this deadly illness which I now have. Cold-heartedly, the king did criticize me today. His favor of Louvois has broken my heart completely. I understand and admit my failure relating the Dutch incident; however, King Louis XIV chose to stab my heart today with the finding of more faults in me. He says that Louvois’s constructions in Flander surpass my works in Versailles by far. I am a disgrace. Oh, the pain inflicted upon me by the king and this sickness is too much for me to bear. September 6, 1683 – this shall be my very last entry on this blog.